Reverb10, day 5: Notes on letting go

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

The author of this prompt is: Alice Bradley, and you can find more about her  at:  
 
Let's Panic About Babies
@finslippy

This year has been about letting go of security. Letting go of what I have known for the last six years. Letting go of the closeness of friends who know me so well that I do not have to say much for them to understand where I am at. It has been a year of letting go of serving a community that I had come to know and love. It has also been a year of letting go of fear -- letting go of the fear that in letting go of what I know and love, there is a chance that I  may never find what I think I am looking for.

But letting go is also about recognizing that pursuing my dreams takes courage, and making room for new experiences and opportunities.

It is scary stepping out of my comfort zone without my support system. I am often filled with doubts and uncertainties, and I get discouraged on and off. But I am also discovering things that I had not expected. I am finding that I am stronger than I thought I was. That although I do not feel at home in California, it may be a good place to launch myself into the next phase in life, whatever that may be.

I am also learning to let go of the fear of failure. Whenever I start writing something, I notice a holding back, a resistance. I think it is fear that what I am about to write will not be good enough, not polished enough....not perfect. What I am realizing is that accepting this and moving on is a great relief. No, my articles will not be perfect. Why would I want them to be? What kind of reader wants to read perfection? What is perfection, anyway? I am realizing that what I love most about stories and poems and well-written articles is how they explore the imperfections. How they find triumph and opportunities out of struggle and loss.

I know I have an image of what it means to be a writer, but I am learning to let go of the imaginary ideal, and embrace the imperfect joy of writing. I know it may not all be good, but I believe that there may well be some gems worth keeping if I am committed, and keep writing, and enjoying the process.

I am letting go of needing to know what comes next. I am saying to the universe: here I am. I have turned up with an open heart. I am doing the best I know how. I cannot do this alone. I am open to possibility. Anything is possible!