Didn't even have to dance

When I woke up this morning the sky was blue, as per usual. More of the same. a.k.a: B.O.R.I.N.G. I am ready to wear scarves again. Ready for hats as fashion statements rather than just avoidance of the intensely hot summer sun. I am ready for the sound of rain.

So you can imagine my immense pleasure this afternoon when the clouds started rolling in, and my absolute joy at the current state of affairs in the heavens -- a solid gray sky. Not ONE sliver of blue. My Canadian friends always told me that even the tiniest patch of blue was a sure sign that the sky would eventually clear, so surely the complete absence of blue from the palette of the sky today is a guarantee that there is no chance of the sun popping out and ruining a perfectly nice gray day. Right? Who knows. Maybe it will even start raining. 

This past weekend I did yoga with over 250 fellow yogis at a local park to raise money for a number of great initiatives in eastern Africa. We did 108 sun salutations in a row, which took just about three hours, and managed to raise over $7,000. It feels great to know that a number of yoga and educational projects in Africa will be able to progress and grow as a result of our heading out on Saturday morning to practice yoga together. I also discovered new muscles that I never knew I had, which, in the long-run, once I am able to lift my arms again, and regain full use of my legs, will seem like a truly great experiential education lesson in human biology, I'm sure. :-)

Below is a shot of the crew that joined me out in the park on Saturday. Our mantra was ONENESS. SERVICE and LOVE. That we are all one, and have a mutual responsibility to each other as members of a single human race; that we are here to serve one another through deeds, not just words, and that love is the answer. The spirit of the day was deeply empowering, and there was a distinct feeling that we were all working together, supporting each other to do all 108 sun salutations, rather than each of us being on her or his mat practicing in isolation.

Aren't all the colours gorgeous? Unity in diversity in action!!

The wind has started blowing outside. More signs of the advancing Fall. This evening, after I get home from a meeting of the Local Spiritual Assembly (the local administrative body of the Baha'i community of Sacramento), I am looking forward to immersing myself back into my current novel: The Paris Wife, by Paula McLain. It is about the relationship between Earnest Hemingway and his first wife, and is very well written. The only thing that detracts from the story is my knowledge of the fact that this was, in fact, his first wife, and that it therefore cannot possibly have a happy ending; and that of course Hemingway eventually commits suicide in real life, so the relationship that lies at the heart of this novel, and one of its main characters, are both eventually going to die. Rather sad, really. But McLain has done an excellent job of stepping into the psyches of both main characters and seeing the world through their eyes, which is a great accomplishment -- to be able to bring the reader into dialogue with Hemingway the real human being rather than simply the brilliant author idol that most of us today see him as.

Reading The Paris Wife is helping me to realize how much more energy I need to be putting into my own creative writing if I ever want to succeed. Writing, as Paula McLain says through her characters, is an extremely lonely profession, but trying to make it less so by socializing too much, joining writing groups, or other types of activities that theoretically should reduce a writer's isolation, may accomplish this, but it also often undermines the quality and quantity of the work that the artist is creating. I have been out and about a bit too much lately, and while I am enjoying my social life immensely, I have been noticing that I am not accomplishing as much lately as I would like to be with my writing.

Tomorrow I do not have to go out. I am looking forward to an entire day devoted to writing. Maybe some rain. Maybe some wind. Definitely a hot cup of tea. Maybe a dunking biscuit. I am hoping for the rhythmic lulling of rain as I fall asleep. Happy nestling into Autumn Monday, friends! 

Oooooh. Here comes the rain just as I am about to post this! And I didn't even have to do the rain dance!

Quietly wondering

It is Tuesday night, and it is finally silent. Well...sort of. I can still hear traffic outside, but there are fewer cars, and in between I can hear the wind in the trees outside. It is only 10.20pm. By midnight it will be mostly quiet. Late night has become my favourite time of day here, I think because it is the only time when I can lie in bed and listen to nothing but the wind in the trees. A train rumbles across the valley late at night--some places I have lived have church bells. Here the rumbling train moving across the valley marks the passage of time in the same way. It reminds me where I am--in the middle of a wide open floodplain valley that is considered to be some of the most productive agricultural land in the country. It reminds me that I am in a vast land, and that the coast that I am used to having so near by that I can almost reach out and wrap it around my shoulders like a shawl, is far away.

Earlier I was in the kitchen barefoot waiting for the kettle to whistle, and listening to the wind sing through the screen door leading out into the garden. Dinner was over. My parents had gone out for a walk, and it was quiet for a precious 30 minutes. I could hear my own feet move across the kitchen floor.

I started researching a travel article that I had to have in to an editor today last Friday. I researched all day Friday, most of the night Friday night, all day Saturday, and most of the night Saturday night, all day Sunday, and Sunday night. On Monday I started writing. I wrote all day, and late into the night last night, sitting, sitting, sitting at my desk trying to conjure up images of Atlantic islands in my imagination. Trying to remember how it felt to drive along the Cabot Trail on Cape Breton with close friends, the sunlight filtering down through the trees, the car filled with laughter. Trying to decide which parts of Prince Edward Island to not include in my short few paragraphs about the island. Which part of six years of places I love are most essential? I finally sent my article off this afternoon, and went out on the back porch and sat in the sunshine and watched birds whose names I do not know hop around in the garden, and a squirrel leap from tree branch to tree branch. I inspected my tomato plants--two of which are covered in tiny yellow cherry tomatoes, and two of which do not show signs of ever producing fruit, and glanced at my arugula, which bolted before it ever really grew.

I have been doing a lot of silent wondering lately. Wondering whether all the work I am pouring into my writing is going to pay off in the long-term. Wondering how long it will take until I can write for magazines that pay a salary that will actually support me. Wondering if I have the stamina to keep going long enough to succeed as a writer. Wondering. It is a rough road, this much is very clear to me. I have given up social engagements and the hope of actually going anywhere exciting this summer, shopping and movies and new books and meals out with friends--even my weekends have been swallowed up with work, because I am still learning how long it takes to write a polished article, and because the learning curve is steep. For the first time in my life I am having to make large sacrifices on many levels. Giving up things makes me wonder a lot, and I am one who tends to do her wondering silently, while listening to the wind moving through the trees.

There is less traffic now, and more wind. In a place that tends to be hot and still at night, this unexpected breeze is a lovely surprise. I read in a blog recently that the best way to accomplish goals is to set them out loud and in public, but I find that setting my goals quietly and reflecting on them in my head and heart while I wait for the kettle to whistle, or look at the way the golden light is filtering through the upside down Mexican fishing basket that I converted into a lampshade at the bottom of my bed is making patterns on the ceiling seems to work better for me. I find that quietly wondering helps me work towards my goals slow but steady, in a way that loud sharing and public statements do not.

Do you quietly wonder?

Believing in the door I do not (yet) see

"...your own knowledge that a certain event is to occur, or your desire that it should happen, is not and never can be the reason for its occurrence." -Baha'u'llah-

I am going through one of those periods in life where I am obviously supposed to be learning something very important. I know that I am going through one of those periods because I have set some very clear goals for what I want to be accomplishing, and so far no matter how hard I work at achieving them, none of them are materializing in the way that I had hoped. The biggest of these is supporting myself. Although I am not someone who has career goals like many of my friends, I am at a point in my life where it is very important to me to have full time, long-term, stable work. When I arrived in California last spring, my intention was to remain for a few months and then move to China or elsewhere for a while to work. But as I reflected, I realized that while my nomadic lifestyle has been amazing, and I do want to travel more, I am really ready to have a home to return to, and work that is ongoing. So I set my priority as finding life-giving work that I love and am passionate about, and have spent the past few months writing proposals for magazines, sending my resume to companies whose ethics reflect my own, and spending hours and hours job hunting.

I have never before placed my work as my priority in life, so this decision to stay put until I am certain that my next move will lead to stable and sustainable work has been a big one for me. Life has always been for living and enjoying, and although I have been fortunate to have work that I loved quite a bit in my life, opportunities have always seemed to come to me relatively easily. Sure -- I did work hard, but I always ran into the right person at the right time, and a job would materialize out of the conversation. So having made the commitment to pursue work that involves writing, and poured my energy into this effort for so long now with very little result thus far, the fact that I am feeling rather discouraged is not surprising. While the intention to pursue work that I am passionate about and love was one that my friends and family supported wholeheartedly when I started on this journey, many of them have started suggesting that maybe it would be a good idea to find work doing any old job to pay the bills -- at least until things start falling into place with my writing.

I am inclined to think that they are probably right. Maybe this whole writing idea is just not the right thing for me. Maybe I should go get an office job. Maybe I am just being stubborn. Maybe I need to get over the fact that what I think I want is not what God intends for me to do with my life. Maybe...but maybe it is time for me to learn that when you really want something in life, it requires some struggle. Maybe this is my time for learning how to dedicate myself to my dreams and not back down even when things aren't working out. It is easy to say "this is just not working...I give up." But it is harder to recognize that I am feeling uncertain and insecure and fearful. It is hard to face up to the reality that maybe the lessons I need to learn are not when to give up and go do something else, but how to be content with the things I have been given at this time in my life. How to recognize the small accomplishments. How to be patient with the fact that things do not seem to be going how I had hoped, and at the same time persevere in my job search. Because the truth is that while I have had to stop eating meals out, shopping and spending multiple days a week in coffee shops; have not been able to travel internationally for a while now, and have to borrow a car when I need to travel long distances, I have gotten to know many new friends since arriving here. I attend a devotional gathering every Friday night that is usually followed by a great evening of socializing. This Friday I looked around me and realized that there were 19 people in the room who I would now call good friends. Nineteen people that I did not even know this time last year. Last night, after returning from a full day of Baha'i activities in San Francisco, I was just too tired to go out gallery hopping with friends, and two other friends decided to come keep me company, and spent the evening chilling out and drinking tea and chatting. My parents have very generously offered me a place to live until I figure stuff out, and I currently have a lot of free time that I am using to volunteer on a local farm helping to educate children and youth about how food is grown, why the environment is so vitally important, and how a personal relationship with the land changes one's perspective on life completely. I have time to cook meals for my parents who are working very hard, and come home tired. I have more time to read books and educate myself about new areas of agriculture and free-trade products; I have more time to write friends hand-written notes, and I have more time to pray and meditate. I am not doing what I think I should be doing, but I am doing quite a lot, and I have a great deal to be grateful for. 

I have been thinking a lot about how important it is to find a balance between my dreams and desires and the will of God. We all want things in life. My dear friend Pascale just started her own business as a personal trainer in New Zealand, only to have her entire city destroyed by an earthquake leaving few people with extra funds to hire personal trainers. My friend Alanna back on PEI had applied for, taken multiple exams for, and been offered a year-long job posting in France that she was very excited about, only to be told a month before she was due to leave that those hiring her had not realized that they should not have even allowed her to interview for the position because it would be a demotion, and they had no mechanism for demotions of higher-paid employees. I imagine that those in Japan who just lost loved ones, property, agricultural fields, and livelihoods had other things in mind for their lives. But ultimately it is our will versus a larger Will. What we want versus what is best for us. How we think we would best be of service to the world versus how the world needs us to be of service.

I have yet to figure it all out, but I do have a sense that learning to put my will into line with a larger will gracefully, energetically, courageously, and with perseverance, enthusiasm, contentment and humility may just be a greater priority right now. And who knows. Maybe practicing bringing my will into line with His Will more is the element that is not yet in place. Perhaps shifting my understanding and perspective will make a door appear that I had not previously noticed. Obviously, I cannot know for sure. I am focusing on continuing to move forward with faith that something unexpected could very likely be right around the next corner. As my friend Ahava said before she left on the train, "anything is possible." 

Sunglasses, magnolia blossoms, and poetry: Day I

The last few days I have been practicing playful presence. A very close friend of mine, Ahava Shira, was doing a month-long silent retreat at Spirit Rock which ended this past Saturday. I had promised her that I would be there to pick her up and whisk her away for a few days together before she headed home to British Columbia. So on Saturday morning I set off for Spirit Rock, winding my way through picturesque towns up into lush hills dotted with professional cyclists pumping their way up steep inclines at speeds that I shall only ever dream of. As the road leveled out slightly, I saw a driveway to my right, and a sign for Spirit Rock Meditation Centre, so I swung my car into the driveway, and headed off to find Ahava. Ahava and I met on Prince Edward Island at a conference on Poetics. You know those "random" meetings that happen to be far more than "random"? Well meeting Ahava was one such encounter for me. I met her at a time when things in my life were starting to shift, and I was ready for some major life changes. Since then I have moved to California and started writing for myself, and Ahava has completed her P.h.D., launched a poetry CD, and started her own business leading retreats and writing workshops for women.

The parking lot at Spirit Rock was full of cars, but there were no people around. I decided to head up a hill towards the dining hall in the hope of locating my friend. I had barely started up the incline when a sprightly figure with long, full, bouncing honeyed curls came bounding down the hill at me. I had to smile. Ahava has a way of filling my chest with laughter, and seeing her racing towards me over the lush green hills of northern California made me laugh out loud.

I have never been the first person to come into contact with someone who has not spoken for a month, so I was not quite sure what to expect. As it turned out, Ahava's re-integration into life outside Spirit Rock was a joyful one, filled with a steady stream of exclamations. I had been thinking of ways to help Ahava integrate back into the fast-paced life of California gradually, for days, and had relocated a lovely little spa in San Anselmo that a friend had taken me years earlier that I had loved. Us being of like mind, my suggestion of going to relax in a hot tub in our very own little Japanese garden was one that Ahava approved of immensely, so we set off in search of Shibui Gardens Hot Tub Spa, and before long were immersed in warm water, surrounded by greenery. It slightly more run down than the last time I had visited, but still exceptionally relaxing and rejuvenating. I listened while Ahava started sharing about her retreat while we enjoyed the steam and warmth of the water.

From San Anselmo, Ahava and I headed across the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco. Ahava cracked out her camera, rolled down the window, and snapped shots of the powerful cables, the geometric shapes of sky between steel beams, the bay below us, and other tourists exploring the bridge. As I navigated the city traffic, she delighted herself with shooting photos of colourful fruit stands, people, shop windows, side-streets, reflections and street signs (while giving me kind and reassuring support that I could, in fact, stop on an intimidatingly steep hill and start up again without causing an accident or stalling). We arrived in San Francisco and stopped briefly at the MOMA before heading across the street to Samovar Tea Lounge. A relaxing evening of tea-sipping and catching up had been the reason for this trip into the city. I had figured heading out into the city proper or trying to go gallery hopping might be a bit much with the crowds. So tea it was. We wandered through Yerba Buena Garden on our way to Samovar, enjoying the blossoming magnolia trees. It seems to be the season for these spectacular trees. With the rain showers of the previous days, some of the petals had fallen to the grass below, carpeting it in pink petals. Ahava and I stood under one tree in particular, studying the blossoms and attempting to photograph them despite the rain that had begun to fall on the city.

 

The back side of Yerba Buena Gardens has an amazing waterfall memorial to the civil rights movement, with a series of glass panels displaying Martin Luther King quotes in many different languages. There were many beautiful quotes, but I was still surprised to see Greek among the languages represented:

Ahava and I finally made it into Samovar, where we settled into cozy chairs and ordered an Indian-inspired meal of tofu curry and rice, with cucumber yogurt, that was accompanied by hot mugs of their masala chai, which is to die for. For desert we had a delicious sweet that I have written about before, and that is just as good the second time around as it was the first: rose-infused Greek yoghurt with dates, toasted walnuts, fresh mint, pieces of sliced apple, and coconut syrup. While we ate and drank, and enjoyed the complex, rich flavours, we also talked, shared our dreams, thoughts and struggles over the last year and a half. It was a sublimely relaxing evening, and we were reluctant to leave....

...so we were still there three hours later when the tea lounge shut, emerging into the rain for a slow walk back to the car, faces upturned to feel the shower against our cheeks, enjoying the sound of the fountains bubbling and water falling and sliding over stone, and the reflection of lights against the wet city streets.

We made the drive up out of the Bay area with the windshield wipers going steady, Ahava's bare feet tapping on the dashboard, both of us singing to David Francey's fantastic tunes (which, if you are not already familiar with them, I highly recommend you have a listen to here).

I. Love. My. Life.

I really do. And since it is Friday and I think I might be getting sick despite only being on day 3 of my 19 day Baha'i fast, and am home on a Friday night, in bed, I think it is time for a list. I suggest you join me and make a list too, just for the hell of it. Random reasons why your world rocks. I will go first. But I would love to read your reasons if you feel like posting them here. Here goes. Random reasons my (currently delirious) world rocks:

1. I spent my entire day on Thursday on a farm in the sunshine harvesting vegetables, weeding an herb garden, and canvasing a local neighbourhood with some very cool high school students. We were trying to find out if people with fruit trees in their gardens wanted us to harvest their fruit through a program called Harvest Sacramento. The owner can keep as much of the harvested fruit as they want, and the rest is donated to the food bank.

The Youth Garden at Soil Born Farms

Waiting for the youth to arrive at Soil Born Farms

Youth cooking healthy meal at Soil Born Farms

One of my favourite activities is planting seeds in springtime, like these fancy mamas (a.k.a. Bachelor's Buttons):

and these beans, that are going to be mighty tasty in soup:

 

And not only do I get to plant seeds, but sometimes something miraculous happens from one Thursday to the next. Something that looks like this:

And if you knew me as my friends back in Canada do, you would know that when I see these little fellas pressing up through the earth, I am imagining something like this:

I am told that the seeds above in the foreground are Lupins. I have yet to see whether they grow quite as tall at the PEI variety! 

Oh. I almost forgot. If that was not enough to make me the happiest woman on the planet, I also got to see this yesterday above the farm:

I hope you can make them out here. There were huge flocks of Sandhill Cranes migrating north. They were beautiful!

2. I have amazing friends all over the world who make me laugh; who go running with me; pray with me, and are always there when I need to talk:

California friends

Three Canadian women whose friendship has changed my life

 

3. I am having my first tea descriptions printed on Lady Baker's Tea Trolley tea packages this week. Will post photos when I see the labels on the bags!

4. The round the world journal that I am working on with eleven of my amazing friends made it safely to New Zealand despite the earthquake and the fact that the house it was addressed to was so damaged by the earthquake that my dear friend Pascale had to abandon it. You can keep updated on the whereabouts of our journal, and see a few peeks of the beautiful and inspiring content at unconventionallyinspired12.wordpress.com

5. Tomorrow I am driving to the Bay Area to pick up a soulmate from BC, who will be spending the weekend with me. A fellow writer, we are going to take long walks, drink tea, and write together. I cannot wait to see her radiant face tomorrow!

Ahava, looking radiant on the organic farm she lives on in British Columbia, Canada

 6. I received a package in the mail today from Green & Black's organic chocolate containing a gift certificate for REI so that I can go and start purchasing the gear I need for my expedition at the end of the month. The days are passing so incredibly quickly! I cannot believe that I head to the Dominican Republic in only a few weeks! You can see the monthly updates from the five of us from the US that will be headed down to the organic cocoa farms at the end of the month here.

7. I got my Master's degree in island studies. And although people always look at me funny when I say that, the reality is that it means that I get to go to places like this, and call it work:

8. Spending so much of my time on islands means that I get to experience truly spectacular natural landscapes and wildlife on a regular basis. The natural world, and my relationship to it, is an integral part of what I value most about the world. I will finish up this entry with a video clip from one of my favourite places in the world -- a cape that I used to drive to often after long summer and fall days working on a farm on PEI, in Canada. I would lie in the tall grass and listen to and watch the cormorants. There are hundreds of them nesting in these cliffs on PEI. The ocean crashes up on the rocks. It is wild and spectacularly beautiful.

And with that, I wish you a wonderful Friday night, an excellent weekend, and an enjoyable list-making session! (I would love to read your lists here, if you would like to share). I will be out exploring the world with Ahava this weekend, but I will write a full post on Monday to share some of our adventures with you.

Feeling good

So a friend of mine actually posted this recording of Nina Simone on her tumblr site, littlemissconceptions, yesterday, but I came across it, and it has been making me feel so playful all day that I just had to re-post it here. The video was posted to you tube by Tamara Connolly.

It is a clear sunny day here in northern California. Blossoms are starting press through the branches on trees, and I find myself standing and staring at them in disbelief. It is, after all, only February. I took a long walk both Saturday and Sunday, wearing a tank top, and felt overheated even so. It is definitely a far cry from PEI in February, that is for sure.

I am working away at a new little story about tea for a client on PEI, and revving up for a busy week. I will be spending an entire glorious day volunteering at Soil Born Farms on Thursday, helping with the gardening in the morning, and with a local youth group that comes out to farm in the afternoon. I cannot wait to get my hands back in the soil, and to be working with youth again. I will write a blog entry about my first day on the farm later this week.

I am also revving up for a slew of vaccinations for my upcoming trip to the Dominican Republic. I am not looking forward to dreading this. I have a great aversion to needles of any kind, and the idea of being jabbed over and over with large sharp-tipped objects is making me cringe. I can tell how excited I am about this trip though, because I was nowhere near this willing to get jabbed when I went to Costa Rica in 2000, and I really looked forward to that trip.

I have been talking to a lot of friends back in Canada lately via skype, and trying to figure out what I will be doing this spring and summer. A close friend of mine may be heading off to work in France for a year, and she has asked if I would like to come house sit. I have been missing PEI a lot this year, and part of me thinks that I would like it to be a permanent part of my life, even if I only spend part of my year there, so I am seriously considering her offer. I have realized that I seem to only be able to last a maximum of six months without seeing my friends back on PEI, so it would make sense to establish the island as a permanent part of my life. My friends and parents here in California on the other hand look at me with a *look* of sheer dismay when I talk about moving back to PEI...even when I introduce the idea by saying that I would "move back for a while," since the journey I took last winter and spring led me away from the island, and many of the reasons that I left are still very present in my mind and heart. Yes. I have a lot I am deliberating on at the moment.

Another thing I am thinking a lot about this week is my writing, and how to best continue developing it. I have not been doing much creative writing lately, and I am missing it. Missing how it infuses my life with excitement and enthusiasm in the same way that farming does. There are all these little balancing acts that need to be explored and mastered in life, and I feel as though having decided to dedicate my life to the two things that I am most passionate about -- farming and writing -- means that I am having to re-negotiate all the little pieces of my life so that they balance each other out, and fit together coherently. I am making progress, but I am also learning that building my own career is not an overnight affair. Every day I take small steps towards my goal, but I do sometimes get frustrated and contemplate giving up and finding a 9-5 job that would have immediate results (a.k.a. a sustainable salary). The reason I do not do it is because I know I would not last more than a month in such a job. I do not do well at things that my heart is not in 100 percent. I know I have a lot to contribute to the world as a writer, but I have to be courageous (and, it would seem, rather poor, at least to begin with) if I really want to pursue my dreams.

This has been a year of tests and questions, and detachment, and every day I learn new things and meet new people who teach me a new way of seeing the world that I would never have imagined had I not taken the wild journey I have over the last year. I do not feel settled, but I have noticed over the last week that I have started feeling content and happy with where I am at in my heart. I am working on loving the questions themselves. And taking frequent barefoot dancing breaks to tunes like the one at the beginning of this post, which makes me grin from ear to ear.

Reverb10, Day 14: The ripple effect of 7 highly creative people

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

The author of this prompt is Victoria Klein:
27 Things to Know About Yoga
@victoriaklein

'To acquire knowledge is incumbent upon all, but of those sciences which may profit the people of the earth, and not such sciences as begin in mere words, and end in mere words." ~Baha'u'llah~

"What greater bounty than this that science should be considered as an act of worship and art as service to the Kingdom of God." ~Abdu'l-Baha~

There are many sources of inspiration in this universe, and endless ways of expressing our creativity. The internet has meant that we can share our creative endeavors around the globe with each other in real time, exchanging ideas, and being inspired by projects happening on the other side of the planet at the same time that the people who are physically implementing them are experiencing them for the first time.

I have had the experience this year of chatting with a new friend of mine in New Zealand through Facebook chat. She is 19 hours ahead of me. For those of you who need a visualization in order to grasp what that means in practical terms, when it is midnight here on a Monday, it is 7pm on a Tuesday for Pascale. She has already moved through the entire day that is my tomorrow before I have even ended my current day. I grew up traveling between North America and the Middle East, and generally do not bat an eyelash to the idea of communicating across time zones, but even I am blown away by the reality of being able to have a conversation with someone who is that far away from me as if she is sitting right beside me enjoying a cup of tea.

You are probably wondering where I am headed with all of this.

I have come to appreciate many things over the last year, but since I have to settle with one, something that has impressed me over the last year is the number of individuals that I have met who are doing truly amazing things with their lives. They are using their knowledge of the arts and sciences, and applying them to transform their local and global communities. They are exploring new forms of creative expression. They are making people around them stop and question things that they have been doing and ways they have been thinking and behaving their whole lives. They are creating dialogue between people from different cultural backgrounds. They are empowering women and men, children and youth. They are capturing the profound beauty latent in all things. They are engaging their friends and colleagues in dialogue of social discourse and action. They are tapping into the amazing power of creativity and transforming the world around them. And they are using the powerful tool of the internet to share all of this energy with each other and with anyone who crosses their paths. It is more than inspiring. It is infectious!

About a month ago I mentioned in my Facebook status that I had been doing a yoga class on resistance. The question posed to us at the beginning of class was to notice throughout the practice when we encountered resistance in ourselves, to try to ascertain whether it was mental, physical or spiritual, and to observe how we responded to resistance in our lives. It was an interesting question, and I enjoyed the practice, and reflected on this idea for the remainder of the week. What I did not know was that my Kiwi friend, Pascale Battrick, had read my status update and it had created a ripple effect in her life also. Pascale is one of the remarkable people mentioned above. In the last year she has moved from Japan back home to New Zealand, and established Oxygen Fitness Excellence. Oxygen Fitness Excellence, in Pascale's words, is:

"an individually tailored health and fitness service, conducted in a fun and motivating atmosphere where no goal is out of reach. It is my aim to introduce people to a completely holistic approach to lifestyle change that is three-pronged in nature. It encompasses the Personal Training of functional exercises specific to Your health and fitness goals, personalized nutrition plans and advice that branch into home-based assessments, grocery shopping expeditions and cooking class initiatives, and something I call a Spirit Cleanse™, which aims to help You to overcome stresses and other negative forces that sap Your energy, can potentially sabotage Your weight loss efforts and affect Your mental and emotional state on a daily basis."

Sound amazing? It is. Trust me. The woman is a fitness ninja -- how many fitness instructors do you know who incorporate spiritual health into your plan? I rest my case. And she is also working on a cookbook, that I am chomping at the bit to get my hands on, full of tantalizing recipes. I encourage you to visit her website and ask her about it. Maybe all the encouragement will help her get it published sooner rather than later!

So obviously, when a woman who can create all of this over the course of only a few short months hears an idea that intrigues her, the resulting ripples are going to look more like tsunami waves. About a month after I had taken part in the class I received an email from her with a link to her Soulpancake page, and an entry called Responding to Resistance. She basically took the idea from my yoga class and turned it into a creative prompt that she shared with thousands of other people. More mega ripples. Her creative presence in the world, and the way she receives my ripples, re-configures them in her own unique way, and sends them back out into the world to inspire others is an example of the type of creative souls I am feeling grateful for in 2010. And here I am receiving her ripples and using them to fuel my creative process! It is a never-ending chain of creative energy. 

It is impossible to fully comprehend Pascale and her joyful, energetic presence without seeing her. So here is a great shot taken of the two of us while we were on pilgrimage in the Baha'i Holy Land in Israel this past spring: 

Pascale is only one example of creative souls changing the world that have rocked my universe this year. Another is someone whose path just crossed mine today. Justin De Leon is a documentary film maker, an amazing photographer, a scholar and an agent of social change. In his own words, he has:

"traveled the world, working in many different environments, and is currently a PhD student at the University of Delaware, focusing on development and ethnic conflict. From working with the poorest of the poor in the streets of India and the Philippines, violence stricken communities of Northern Ireland and Nepal, to the largest slums of Southeast Asia and Africa, De Leon has always tried to understand, capture, and share the stories of those he's encountered."

One of the things that impresses me the most about Justin's work is how he integrates his spiritual values and his passion for film and photography so seamlessly. The effect is powerful. He is currently working on Give to Live, a documentary film that examines the ripple effect of human compassion, intended to inspire and enable individuals to explore global issues in Africa and the US, and to become effective agents of social change. Are you feeling inspired yet? If not, here's a shot of Justin in Africa, where he spent a month filming his documentary. I am borrowing the shot from his website, hence the awesomeness of it (I hope you will not mind my using this image, Justin. It just seems to capture the work you are doing so much better than my description does!):

There are so many other individuals that I have come across this year who are sending out ripples of amazing creative energy into the world. Ahava Shira, who I have mentioned before in my blog, is inspiring women by facilitating workshops in Loving Inquiry from her home on Butterstone Farm, a 23-acre organic farm on Saltspring Island in British Columbia. She has also just released a new CD of her poetry, Love is like this, which can be purchased through her website, and recently launched a radio show, Love in the Afternoon, which you can listen to here, on Mondays between 1 and 2pm, west coast time. Ahava Shira, which means Love Poetry in Hebrew, fully embodies her name in her life's work. The woman is so inspired it is contagious! Here is a great shot of her bathed in the poetry of sunlight and presence on the farm: 

Louise Mould, an artist living on Prince Edward Island is creating amazing landscape-inspired paintings that embody the light and contours of the places she has lived: namely the Congo, Israel, and Atlantic Canada. Her paintings are also spiritually inspired. You can check out her beautiful paintings here, and below is a photo of Louise and I taken this past summer at the wedding of a close friend of ours, on Prince Edward Island: 

The individuals I mention above are only some of the creative folks I have crossed paths with this year. Steve Zaat, a talented musician back in New Brunswick, Canada, is writing tunes inspired by his spiritual beliefs; Paula Biasi is creating sparks in the dance world in Milwaukee (if you live anywhere in the Midwest and feel like a drive this weekend, she is performing a show called "In a Black Mood" with her kickass dance troupe, Your Mother Dances. Show times and ticket prices are on the website, and don't let the title mislead you -- these women are the most upbeat performers I have ever seen. It is a challenge to stay in your chair when you watch them perform); Rafael Routson, is a very talented emerging non-fiction writer currently doing her doctoral research on desert oases in Baja, Mexico. She has co-authored two books: A Heritage in Iron (see link on left), and Last Dollar Ranch, and is currently working on a non-fiction book about her experiences in the Australian outback (title still to come -- stay tuned!!)...the list goes on, but it is getting late, so I will stop here. I don't want to overwhelm you with all this inspiration! Here are some shots of these inspiring folks:

 

And some shots of how I go about receiving some of their ripples:

I deeply appreciate the diversity of creative people that are constantly finding innovative ways of putting their knowledge into action in the world. I express gratitude to them by telling them, as often as I can get away with it without driving them crazy, how truly INSPIRING they are to me, to my own creative process, and to the world. I also express my gratitude by allowing all the creative energy spinning around me to fuel my own creative process. Ripples create ripples. Here's hoping some of the creative energy from this entry will radiate out into your creative process too!

Reverb10, Day 3: Things that keep my pen moving

Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?

Prompt Author: Leo Babauta
focusmanifesto.com
@zen_habits

I realized today that I confused the writing prompt for day two with the prompt for day three. Blame it on how late it was last night when I sat down to write, and the activity I had been engaged in all night. So I am answering yesterday's prompt today.

It is a very grey Friday. It rained all night, and has been drizzling on and off all day today. Perfect weather to stay in and write! I finished the first draft of my first official article since arriving on the west coast and deciding to pursue my writing professionally. It felt good to finish it and send it off, but I am actually looking forward to getting it back with notes on things that need reworking. I have been reading a lot about the craft of writing, and how important learning to edit your own work well is. This week I read the Ken Follett's Materclass, which had some very interesting reflections on the writing process. I just read Ken's book Fall of the Giants this past week, and was thoroughly impressed with the depth of research that goes into his books. I had never read anything by Ken Follett before, and I wish I had found his books earlier. His writing style is completely different from my own, but he is a master of the craft of writing. The tips he shares in his Masterclass are thought provoking and practical.

As a writer who is just trying to launch her career, I have been feeling rather overwhelmed by the amount that I have to learn. I did my undergraduate degree in creative writing, with an emphasis in poetry, but I turned down the offer of a place in an MFA program to go do my Master's degree in Island Studies, so my creative writing has taken a backseat to academic and other forms of writing. Having written mostly poetry in college, I am not familiar with the many guidelines that help writers of fiction or non-fiction to hone their craft.

When I first decided I wanted to focus on my writing, late this summer, I went out and bought a number of magazines that I enjoy reading, and spent hours studying them. My goal was to take notes on what kinds of articles these magazines accepted, whether they accepted submissions from new writers, and how someone like myself, whose publishing experience is limited to academic articles, organic agriculture policy analysis documents and the text for my previous company's website. I started with the Magazine Islands, because I did my MA in Island Studies, and have a great love for Island cultures and environments. I checked a pile of books out of the library on the topic of writing magazine articles, and the process of writing proposals for editors. I came up with an idea that sounded like it would make an interesting article, and sent off a proposal. I read that some magazines like to receive proposals by email, and others will not look at them unless they come in hard copy. The library books told me that the magazine should tell you which they prefer, but unfortunately Islands did not, so I had to just take a leap of faith. I wrote up what seemed to me to be a fairly strong proposal, and mailed it off.

I had read that you should never submit the same article to more than one magazine, because editors would not want to publish an article knowing that it had been submitted to another magazine simultaneously. I had also read that it could take three weeks or more to get a response, so after sending off my proposal, I waited, and waited, and waited. I never got a response. Not even a note acknowledging receipt of my proposal and telling me that I was not experienced enough to write for their magazine. Before sending off my proposal, I had read a lot about how many rejections new writers get before they get one acceptance. I thought I had steeled myself for the letdown, but after three weeks with no response at all I realized how discouraged I felt after having sent out only one proposal. It is hard to put all that thought and work into something and get nothing in response.

Over the last few months I have learned a lot more about writing novels and non-fiction and articles, but I still feel like I am just scratching the surface of what I need to know to improve my writing skills. I have been finding that there are certain things that help me to stay encouraged and focused -- to keep going even when I feel like I may never cross paths with an editor who wants to print one of my pieces. I know the subject of this entry is supposed to be things that undermine my writing process, and I can mention some of those too, but I find that the biggest challenge as a new writer is feeling discouraged, so finding sources of encouragement is key to triumphing over any obstacles that I encounter in my path.

One thing that I have found helpful is to keep reading books that inspire me. I have become intimately acquainted with the library since arriving in California. I have a list of books on hold that I add to every week, and sometimes four or five arrive at once, which leaves me three weeks to read four or more books. So I have to read every day. I look in the newspaper to find what books are on the bestseller lists and I read reviews on Amazon.com and then order books that sound interesting to me. I find that tactic seems to work well, although I do come across the occasional book that puts me to sleep. I also find that some authors list books that they found inspiring in their books, so I have a long list of books in my journal that I turn to when I am running low on inspiring reading material. In addition to fueling my own imagination, I find that reading about the authors of books I especially liked is very helpful. Reading the life story of Abraham Verghese, after I read his novel Cutting for Stone was fascinating. And reading about Ken Follett's writing process, and how many books he had to write before he actually published a best-seller reassured me that not succeeding immediately does not mean I never will succeed.

Another thing that I find helpful is to subscribe to other people's blogs. Reading well-written blogs challenges me to improve my own blog, and gives me new ideas into things that work well or that take away from a blog. For some reason, I especially enjoy subscribing to blogs written by women, maybe because it makes me feel like I am writing in a nurturing, encouraging community. Just today, for example, I came across a blog called Kikolani.com. The entry that interested me most was a list of other inspiring female bloggers. You can check the list out here.

I have been going to quite a lot of readings lately -- mainly poetry, but sometimes fiction. I am working on writing a novel at the moment -- very shyly working on writing a novel-- and I want to get as much exposure as I can to novelists, and to hear what they have to say about their writing process.

Another thing I did recently was sign up to a few different sites. I joined 750words.com, which sends you prompts every day to write at least 750 words. And I also joined Reverb10.com, which sends me prompts every day for the month of December to encourage me to reflect on the year behind and prepare for another full and exciting year in 2011. Joining these groups is a small step, but sometimes all it takes is that extra reminder to make me sit down and get writing every day.

And finally, I have started trying to get out in the natural world a bit more. I find that the natural world is an enormous source of inspiration for my writing. I have lived so intimately with the natural environment for the past six years in Canada, and I notice that living in a city now means I am lacking that wealth of inspiration that was so easy to come by living on an island in the Atlantic Ocean. A few weeks ago I went on a guided hike to the Sutter Buttes with a group of complete strangers just to get out of the city. It was one of the best days I have had since arriving here, and I am working on a poem that was inspired by the amazing landscapes of the Sacramento Valley, the rice fields, the birds skimming the surface of the flooded fields, and the volcanic rocks that I began learning about on the hike. I am realizing that if I remain in a city long term, I am going to have to consciously find ways to get out into open natural areas if I want my writing to have an important source of fuel and inspiration.

So I come back to the initial question here at last -- what do I do every day that does not contribute to my writing. I stay in the house too much now that I am not working on a farm, that is one. I sometimes let small letdowns discourage me, and I know I have to come up with creative and effective ways of overcoming this. I do not share my writing with people who are in front of me much. I would like to join a writers group so that I am interacting with other writers who are actually in my own time zone. These are some things I would do well to change.

It is evening now. The light is fading fast. I am heading out to a devotional gathering followed by a board games night with a group of friends, so it is time to close. More tomorrow!

Willing to Not Know

This last week I made a big decision. I decided that I am going to give myself a chance to write. This is no small feat, having been unemployed for going on nine months now. There are things I want to do: like attend friends’ weddings; travel to Iceland, Central and South America, China, and Japan; go out to delicious, colourful meals with friends and family; yoga classes. The list is endless, and it all costs money which I am not, in this precise moment, actually earning.

Talking to close friends over the last few weeks, it seems like we all come to places in life where, although at some level we know with absolute certainty that this is just a finite low period in our lives, we ask ourselves where we are headed? What are we intended to do with our lives? What purpose do our lives have? Ultimately all of these questions lead me to the question: how is my life of value to the world?

I don’t know about you, but I know when I am in a space where these questions are spinning in my head and unsettled in my heart, the silent answer that I never give voice to because I generally would rather people not know is “none.” It’s not that I actually think that I am not of value as a member of the human race. It’s just that for brief windows of time I seem to be momentarily unable to see the larger picture – how this valley fits into the mountain range of life.

I was reading a book this past week. It is called My Grandfather’s Blessings. It is written by Rachel Naomi Remen, who is a physician with a remarkable gift for looking through whatever might be momentarily obscuring a person’s innate spiritual truth and identifying and nurturing the gems that lie hidden within that individual’s soul. Fortunately, in addition to working with individuals, Rachel is also a master story-teller, and she recognizes the power of sharing the stories of the many miraculous lives that have rubbed up against her own over the years with the rest of us. You know how when you meet a truly remarkable person, and their story inspires you to push onwards on your own journey? Well her book is infused with story after story of inspiring lives lived with integrity, passion and courage.

I had lunch yesterday with one of my best friends. Like most of my friends, who want to see me happy and feeling like a valuable member of society again, she was asking if I had found work yet. I explained to her that I was trying to give myself a chance to explore my writing as a career. She suggested I get a part time job to supplement my income while I do this. She also explained that if I told someone in India or China that I was taking time to figure out what I wanted to dedicate my life’s energies to – to explore work that is a natural expression of who I am instead of pouring my energy into work that fits the mould of what others would deem acceptable or successful for a woman with my background and abilities – that they would shake their head and say I must be a spoiled brat. I was shocked. Not that someone would think this way, because I recognize that for those who are just trying to put food on the table for their families, following your heart is usually not a priority. I was shocked that she would share this with me because she had been told this by an elderly woman in China as a young woman when she was trying to figure out her own path in life. But I think that I was most shocked because her comment gave voice to a silent question that hangs over my head every day: what right do I have to follow my heart and find work that I love when so many people around me are struggling? And what makes me think that I will have anything of value to say that people will actually want to read?

I have a nagging suspicion that I am not the first writer to ask myself if I really have anything to say that has not already been said, and said better than I could ever say it. Still, part of what makes the illusion of being in an endless valley of uncertainty so hard, is that when you are in it, it feels like you are there alone, and that you are the only person ever to confront your own purpose in life in this way.

Thankfully, we all have friends who are more than happy to shatter the illusion that nobody else has ever wondered what their purpose in life is. And we have books that share the stories and dreams of other people, who just like you and I, went through periods where they were standing on a cliff trying to decide whether it would be better to remain on the cliff enjoying the view that they knew was certain or to leap off into the unknown, hoping that the act of faith they were taking by leaping would induce wings to grow in the place where none had existed before. As Ruth Naomi Remen says, “sometimes someone dreams a dream for us all.”

People ask me whether I think there is a market for what I have to say. I feel myself getting defensive, and then I realize that it is a valid question coming from a society where we are taught over and over that only certain forms of expression are valuable. When I look back through my still relatively short life, there is not one person I have come into contact with who has not had something of value to share, and more often than not those friends and acquaintances who have not inspired me in some specific way are simply those who I have not listened to. If I gave them my time and my focus, I feel quite certain they would have stories that would move me, inspire me, make me feel something that I did not feel before.

One of the stories that moved me in Rachel Naomi Remen’s book is about an epiphany she had once while walking through a labyrinth. Last fall a friend of mine did a one-day workshop on the life of the soul. She had us all drive out to a beautiful remote area on the north shore of Prince Edward Island. The beach was endless and open, the waves were crashing on the shore, white and frothy, the water itself the colour of grey pearls. The air was salty. Behind the beach were tall sand dunes and behind them a scrubland of wild rosehip bushes covered in ruby coloured rosehips. Behind the bushes was a stand of evergreen trees through which wove an intricate network of walking paths. My friend explained to everyone present that we were going to walk silently through the forest in a sort of walking meditation. Our walk would end at a labyrinth made of shells collected from the beach. We would stand silently around the labyrinth and then slowly and silently walk it, leaving a space of a few minutes between us so that while we were having a collective experience in that we were doing it together, we were also very much on an individual journey with plenty of space for personal thoughts, prayer and reflection. 

I have to admit that I had my uncertainties about it when she explained what we were going to do. I had not expected any such activity when I agreed to attend her workshop. But I decided to open myself to the moment, and found it to be a deep and profoundly moving experience. 

My own experience made Rachel Naomi Remen’s insights more profound. She explains that when you walk into a labyrinth, you seem to be headed right towards the centre, when in reality you are as far from the centre as you could possibly be. And that right before you reach the centre, you are actually walking near the outermost edge of the labyrinth. Her epiphany was that although many times in life it had seemed that she was headed in what seemed to be a random direction, perhaps every step had in fact been very purposefully headed toward the centre. Perhaps, she says, the times that seem to be meaningless or wasteful only seem random because she is still on her path, and that one day, when she is at the centre point, looking outwards, she will realize that the perspective afforded by being at the end of life might completely alter the value and meaning of every one of her life’s experiences.

I was talking to a friend on the phone today back in Canada who also feels as though she is walking through a valley right now. She was with me when I walked that labyrinth back on Prince Edward Island so I shared Rachel Naomi Remen’s story with her. She told me that it resonated with her, and reminded her of something her mother had shared with her once: “Be completely present in whatever moment you are living, and enjoy that moment.” She explained that it was easier to do this when her kids were young and at home. That she enjoyed being a mother. But presence is harder for her now that her kids are married and living on the opposite side of the world. We agreed that presence always seems easier in the past than it is in the present. She and I are in different places in life, but our dream of finding joy, purpose and acceptance in the present moment is shared.

Some of us are better at giving ourselves permission to pursue and succeed at what we love. For some of us, giving ourselves permission to follow our hearts takes practice. Rachel Naomi Remen says that “wisdom comes most easily to those who have the courage to embrace life without judgement and are willing to not know, sometimes for a long time.”

Today is Thanksgiving Day in Canada. In California the leaves are still green, the cool breeze blowing through the oaks the only sign that we are finally moving into fall. I woke up this morning grasping for something to move me into this day, and am ending it feeling grateful for many friends that enrich my life. Friends that question, reflect, remind me to laugh and look to the natural world for wonder and awe and healing. And friends that believe in me when I am in a valley. I am also thankful for words and letters. For the gift of writing. And for the recognition that I am one of those who is going to have to learn how to give myself permission to pursue my dreams. And to succeed.